What is a healthy level of self-esteem?

I do not have a problem with confidence consequently I sometimes struggle to understand people who lack confidence. I began my career as a youth counsellor and so had to confidently interact with young people. My job required me to show leadership and confidence. Later I was a preacher in a church. That job required me to confidently address a congregation. Next I became a motivational speaker. I have literally addressed hundreds-of-thousands of people. During my career, I have never been in a situation where I could allow my confidence to fail. As BB King sang, “If you want to keep on flying, don’t look down!” If you want to be successful, you can’t afford to lose your confidence.

The Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale

In sociological research the most common measure of self-esteem is the Rosenberg self-esteem scale (RSES). This is not a test used by psychologists to diagnose patients. It is for researchers looking at levels of self-esteem in different communities. The RSES was developed by Dr Morris Rosenberg in 1964. It uses a scale of 0-30 where a score of less than 15 indicates problematic low self-esteem. The RSES looks like a social survey questionnaire. The scale is regarded by many sociologists and psychologists to be a reliable tool for self-esteem assessment.

Doctors have a different survey to assess whether patients are suffering depression. Some of the questions are similar to the Rosenberg scale, but it is not the RSES. This is what the Rosenberg self-esteem scale (RSES) looks like:

What is a Healthy Level of Self-Confidence?

What is a healthy level of confidence? People need to have high self-esteem in order to be happy, healthy and successful, but many parents and teachers go to extremes as they try to instil confidence in children. They are overly generous in their praise and tell children that they are great at everything – sport, art, academically, but when the child grows up to realise they are in fact average in all these endeavours they feel cheated.

Genuinely confident people have a realistic knowledge of their abilities, strengths and weaknesses. Often confident people grew up with encouraging parents, who gave them unconditional love. The confident child feels secure and never fears failing. They are free to give sport, school and performing their best and have fun, because regardless of the outcome, their parents will still love them. Confident people often experience lots of wins in their childhood and youth, which has reinforced their confidence. They got into sports teams, received positive school reports and joined community organisations.

Individuals Lacking Confidence Don’t Remember Their Wins

Individuals who lack confidence recall few wins. This does not mean they didn’t have success as a child, but rather they did not take notice of their wins. Perhaps they had highly critical parents – nothing they did was ever good enough. Confident people develop themselves by noting and often celebrating ‘micro’ successes. This is the foundation for the outlook, ‘I did it once, and I can do it again’.

Low self-esteem often stems from negative childhood experiences such as separation from parents, neglect or abuse. In later life, self-esteem can be impacted sickness and personal setbacks like unemployment, exploitative relationships, and a sense of lack of control. Low self-esteem can predispose people to mental health problems like depression. People with low self-esteem often see the world as threatening and themselves as a victim. They are afraid to assert themselves.

But even as an adult you can reinforce and strengthen your self-esteem and confidence. Here are a few suggestions.

• Positive re-enforcement does work.

Write down all your positive traits and life achievements. You may need to recruit some good friends to help you compose this list. Keep the list in your bedroom and read it every day, more often if needed.

• Do not think yourself down

If you were piloting an aeroplane, what would happen if you directed the plane’s nose down? You would fly into the ground – crash! If you want to soar to great heights, you need to think yourself ‘up’. Remind yourself that you are a unique and precious individual, and you should feel good about yourself. Never be hard on yourself and abuse yourself, tell yourself you are a loser or a failure – such thoughts are self-fulfilling.

• Play sport

New studies have found that there is a relationship between self-esteem, happiness and playing sport, especially playing sport at an early age. In the US, the Spearman’s Rank Correlation and Analysis of Variance study found that of 514 college students, those who participated in sports before going to college reported higher self-esteem and happiness than non-sport players. The data, collected in 2017 using survey questionnaires which included the Rosenberg Self-esteem scale, found that a lifetime of sport participation beginning in youth and adolescence improves the physical and psychological well-being of individuals. Playing sports and confidence go hand-in-hand. It’s never too late to join a sports team or start going to the gym!

• Look after yourself!

If you are trying to increase your self-confidence, make sure you look after yourself. Keep your weight within a healthy weight-range. If we look our best, it is easier to take pride in who we are! It also helps to dress well and pay attention to your personal hygiene. Also aim to get enough sleep. In addition to this make sure your home is clean, comfortable and appealing. Nothing is more depressing than an unhappy home.

• Fake it!

Sometimes you just have to fake it. You may not be feeling confident or happy but you have to make a presentation at work or speak at a community meeting. On these occasions you just have to fake it – pretend you’re on top of the world. The funny thing is that if you act confident and happy you often convince yourself and start feeling more confident and happier!

Finally, remember the words of the Chinese philosophy, Laozi, “Health is the greatest possession. Contentment is the greatest treasure. Confidence is the greatest friend.”