The Secrets to Building Instant Rapport With Strangers

It is a reality of life that we jell more with some people than others. It is also one of the joys of being human that sometimes we feel instantly at home with another person. We just seem to like and understand some people more than others – after all we are only human! But if you run your own business or are constantly dealing with people then it’s helpful to be able to cultivate an instant rapport with others. You may say that some people are naturally good at this, but it is not your strength. Yes, some people have a natural talent for getting along with others, but you can also teach yourself how to reach out and build up connections to new people. 

I want you to start the new year by building up your people skills, so let’s look at how to build instant rapports with others. By rapport, I mean a sense of connectedness or affection. You understand each other and can appreciate each other’s ‘world perspectives’. You just ‘click’.

Start with positive body language

We are more in tune with other people’s body language than we realise. On a subconscious level we read the messages of other people’s bodies. Crossed-arms indicate that they are hostile. A smile is a sign of warmth and friendship. 

There are many body language signals you can send to people to indicate you are open to friendship. A smile is the most basic, but the use of hand gestures also communicates openness. Psychologists say the most basic body signal – the handshake –  goes back to prehistoric times. In a closed hand we may be hiding a weapon, but offer an open hand and you indicate you are safe and open to friendship.

You can make strangers feel more at ease by mirroring their body language. Duplicate their postures and gestures. If they cross their right leg, cross your left. It’s a nonverbal way of saying, ‘I’m on the same page as you’.  Also observe the tone and volume of the other person’s voice. Try to mirror or reflect this. If they sound nervous or hesitant, instead adopt a cool, calm voice tone. 

Make eye contact with the person you are speaking to. It indicates confidence and an interest in the other person. If you find this difficult, then practise on friends and family! You need to maintain eye contact 60 percent of the time when communicating with others.

Ask intelligent questions and listen 

It is a bad habit to talk only about yourself and not ask other people questions. The best conversations are a real exchange of dialogue and ideas that prompt in-depth thought and more understanding of the other person. A Harvard University study found that people who ask more questions, especially follow-up questions, were viewed as more likeable. Asking people follow-up questions shows that you have listened to what they are saying. It gets people to really open up and talk about themselves. It’s ironic that when you are trying to make a good impression it often pays to take the focus off you, and instead learn more about the person you are talking to. Remember that listening is an underrated skill.  Put your mobile phone away when talking to another person and listen! This is a basic sign of respect and will encourage positive feelings in the other person.

Try to use the person’s name. Don’t overdo it, but say their name at least once. This indicates first that you have taken the trouble to remember it, and also that you now have some level of intimacy – you are on a first-name basis! 

Write down crucial information about people

If you deal with a large number of people you will struggle to remember key facts. What is the name of their spouse? What are their qualifications? Main interests? Aspirations? Consider keeping a dossier on your colleagues. If you run your own business you may only catch up with clients every few weeks. If you have dossiers, you can re-read important information (both personal and professional) ahead of meetings. People are genuinely impressed when you recall something they’ve said weeks ago. It really does help to build up rapport.

Look for shared ground

Search for shared areas of interest with the person. We are all just human. It doesn’t matter how much money or fame anyone has. We have more in common than we realise. We prefer to be liked than disliked. The person may mention they like certain foods or colours or sports, like sailing. However, avoid being overly familiar. Wait for the other person to mention their family or spouse. Do not inquire about their personal life however once they indicate their children are the same age as yours, you may occasionally mention what your children did on the weekend. From there I’m sure the conversation will flow.

It also pays to do some research into people you regularly deal with. Are they on LinkedIn? Facebook? What qualifications do they have? Where else have they worked?  What are their hobbies? Social media sites like LinkedIn and Facebook deliver all this information and more.

Be real

An incredibly attractive trait in people is honesty – good, old-fashioned honesty – a lack of airs and graces! Be genuine when you engage with other people. Tell the truth, don’t try to be too grand, or too important. Pay people real compliments. Be open to conversations. Simply be friendly and positive! Don’t you gravitate to friendly, positive people? And if you have those traits won’t people gravitate to you? Avoid making mean comments about others and avoid gossiping. Instead, be a force for good!

Finally, a trait that is hard to resist is happiness. Don’t roll out a hundred jokes or make pathetic puns, instead be quick to laugh and quick to smile. Radiate joy and no one will be able to resist you!