How to Dramatically Improve the Quality of Your Relationships

Customer Service Skills Versus Relationship Skills

In a recent blog I wrote about the importance of good customer service online, which got me thinking about constitutes quality customer service in shops and businesses. I started doing some research on the subject and came across an article on a site called HelpScout by Gregory Ciotti. Mr Ciotti argues that every good retailer needs to have mastered fifteen key skills to do their job. Those skills are: patience, attentiveness, clear communication, knowledge, positive language, acting, time management, perception, calmness, goal-focus, ability to handle surprises, persuasion, tenacity, willingness to learn and the ability to satisfactorily wind up a discussion. What an inventory of skills! But I hadn’t finished my research. I went to the local shopping centre with the intention of observing shop assistants dealing with customers. In the local bakery was a young couple ordering lunch. The woman asked her partner to pay, but he didn’t have any cash on him. “You just can’t be relied upon for anything,” she snapped in front of the other shoppers. It dawned on me that this woman needed to develop some of the customer service skills listed in the article. She clearly was in need of patience, positive language, calmness and even some acting skills!

Why is it we talk to the people we love in a way that we would never address friends, neighbours or shop assistants. I think my Christian background then prompted me to think that all people are called on to ‘serve’ each another. In fact the Bible says “through love serve one another” (Galatians 5:13). So it was no coincidence that I started thinking about customer service techniques while contemplating the importance of ‘serving’ the people we love. I do want to write about the essential skills needed to deliver quality customer service, but I’m going to have some fun and see how developing these skills would also help us to improve our personal relationships.

Patience

In the article by Gregory Ciotti I learnt that patience was important to customers “who often reach out for support when they are confused and frustrated”. It’s true that when I can’t find what I want in a shop I’ll look for a retail assistant. Mr Ciotti advises shop assistants to “take the time to truly figure out what the customer wants”. Would it be helpful to do this in other situations? If your child, or spouse or friend came to you confused and frustrated, would you take the time to figure out what they truly wanted and needed? Do you offer quality service as a spouse, parent and friend?

Attentiveness

Next in the article I learnt that shop assistants must be attentive to their customers, they have to really listen to what the customer is saying. When your children or spouse comes home at the end of a day are you truly attentive to them, or are you putting away shopping or watching television? Are you only half listening? Again, what sort of service are you offering at home?

Communication

Delivering good customer service means you have to communicate clearly. When discussing products a good retail assistant will keep it simple and leave nothing out. Do you communicate honestly and openly with family members or do you skirt around the truth sometimes? Mr Ciotti also tells us that the best employees have a deep knowledge of their product. Perhaps when it comes to serving the people we love, we need to have a deep knowledge of ourselves – our strengths and weaknesses. If you are dealing with a wilful teenager, you might need to be aware that you can be controlling. If you are in a shop and your husband doesn’t have any cash, be aware that you have a short temper and try not to chastise him in public.

Positive Language

Mr Ciotti tells us that ‘positive language’ can greatly affect how a customer ‘hears’ the sales assistance. A can-do attitude will generate sales, defeatism turns customers off. Are you quick to use negative language and criticise your spouse for not putting out the trash or forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning? When was the last time you told your husband or wife how wonderful they are?

Acting

Next in this article I learnt that “every great customer service rep will have those basic acting skills necessary to maintain their usual cheery persona” even when under stress. How do you behave at home when stressed? Do you lash out at the people you love or use acting skills and soldier on?

Time Management

Time-management is the next skill on the list – if a sales rep doesn’t have a solution then the rep needs to stop wasting their time and take the customers to someone who does have a solution. If you have tried and failed to help a family member with a problem, such as drug or alcohol addiction or depression, then maybe it’s time to seek professional help! Seeking professional help is a sign of strength not weakness.

Unspoken Clues

A good sales assistant is able to read the customer, looking closely at demeanour and body language. To best serve the people we love, we also need to read unspoken clues. If your child is being bullied at school, he or she may retreat from you, and you must take the time to talk and find out what’s really going on.

Calmness

Point number nine tells us that “the best customer service reps know that they cannot let a heated customer force them to lose their cool”. Yes, the same can be said for parenting, marriage and friendship! If someone you love is going through a hard time and behaving badly do your best to stay calm with them.

Goal Focused

Point 10 is to be goal focused. Sales staff need to know that their priority is serving the customer. Who are the most important people in your life?

Support Systems

Mr Ciotti’s 11th essential customer service skill is the ability to handle surprises: “Maybe the problem you encounter isn't specifically covered in the company's guidelines, or maybe the customer isn't reacting how you thought they would.” He says customer reps need to know who to turn to when surprised – they need support systems in place. What are your support systems in life? When you’re thrown a curve ball, who is there for you? Do you have a reliable best friend, a counsellor, a parent-figure who’ll impart sage advice?

Persuasion

Skill 12 is persuasion. A good sales rep can create a “compelling message that your company’s product is worth purchasing”. What are your core beliefs? What values do you hold dear? Love, honesty, respect, hard work, independence, justice? What values do you want to instil in your children? How have you conveyed the importance of these values to your family?

Tenacity

Skill 13 is tenacity: a customer service rep needs a great work ethic and a willingness to do what needs to be done. Again this is an essential life skill.

Winding Up Conversations

Skill 14 is the ability to wind up a conversation “with the customer feeling that everything has been taken care of”. In key relationships we need to communicate effectively and acknowledge the needs of those closest to us. It’s no good rushing through life and leaving those we love feeling neglected.

Learning

The final skill is the ability to learn – to learn to better service and care for the people we are here to serve.

Too many people go through life being the ‘customer’, always on the look-out for a better deal – a free drink, a complimentary gift, a big discount. But we forget that we are called on to care for and to ‘serve’ one another. As the Bible says, “even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve”.