How to Effectively Deal With Losing possessions

A friend of mine lost his car keys five days ago and I swear the experience almost sent him mad. It wasn’t just one or two keys; it was a big heavy clump of keys. He lost the keys to his home, car, wife’s car, his work, his garden sheds, the garage and even to his bike lock! He didn’t have spares of some of the keys – so he will now need to replace entire locks. Misplacing something precious can drive you crazy. Why is it so incredibly frustrating? I don’t think it’s just the inconvenience that is distressing. Maybe it’s so infuriating because you only have yourself to blame for this momentary mind-slip that causes havoc.

When my friend first noticed his keys were gone, he was relaxed, “Seen my key?” he asked his family. He searched the house, couldn’t find them, so settled back on the couch and delayed his trip to the shop. Later in the day he began a proper search, but there was no trace of them. In the days following the loss he became as desperate as a mouse trapped in a room full of cats. He emptied drawers, cupboards and bags. He even riffled through his teenagers’ school bags but all he discovered was a dozen over-ripe apples and three very brown squishy bananas – kids! Alas, I want my friend to know that he is not alone in his ‘lost-ness’.

One-third of us lose an item every year

According to research by ‘Tile’, a company that makes Bluetooth trackers, more than a third of Australians have lost an item in the past 12 months, with an average value of $130. This means Australians lose around $1.2 billion worth of possessions every year – gosh I hope some of that lost stuff is found.

One in 10 people misplace an item each day, spending on average 29 minutes trying to find it. One in four argue with their partner about misplaced items, with men more likely than women to lose passports, luggage and phones.

The most frequently lost item is a purse or wallet, and the most frequently misplaced and then found item is the TV remote. Seven out of 10 Australians will accept that an item has been lost or stolen if they don’t find it within a week, but 15 per cent give up hope after just an hour.

Younger generations spend more time looking before giving up. Is that because they have more energy and less money than us over forties? However the over-65s are more than three times as likely to accept something is lost within the first 60 minutes compared to those aged 18-24.

What are the most frequently lost items?

1. Purse or wallet (34 percent)
2. Mobile phone (26 percent)
3. House keys (24 percent)
4. Clothing (24 percent)
5. Bank cards (24 percent)

What are the most frequently misplaced items?

1. TV remote (68 percent)
2. Mobile phone (68 percent)
3. House keys (67 percent)
4. Purse or wallet (58 percent)
5. Identification document, like driver’s licence (54 percent)

Why do we forget where we put things?

Our minds usually seem to take care of our precious possessions on auto-pilot. We automatically put the keys back where they belong or the wallet/purse in safe keeping, but every so often our minds have a glitch and we lose something essential. The core issue is that most people instinctively go about the day, often preoccupied with several tasks at the same time.  We multi-task so the area of our brain carrying out these routine or repetitive activities doesn't connect with the part of our brain responsible for conscious thought or producing memory, and that is the problem! According to psychologists, losing things is a failure to retrieve a memory or rather we didn’t ‘encode’ the memory in the first place. Memory researchers now even have a cute little saying, “If you don't encode, you can't retrieve.”

The busier you are, the more important it becomes to take mental notes about where you leave things – encode it so you can retrieve it. We want to trust our brains to take care of our possessions on auto-pilot but sometimes we stuff up, and if we’ve been multi-tasking then there is a good chance our minds have not encoded the information. If you are constantly losing stuff you are probably over-committed and over-taxed. Ideally you should slow down, but if you can’t then become more mindful during this busy time. Before you leave a room, look behind you for your possessions.

It seems that the busier we get, the more likely we are to lose stuff, because we are multi-tasking and not encoding (remembering) information. Ideally, it’s best to have systems in place. Have a hook where you can hang your keys and store your bag in the same place.

How to look for lost items

1. You need to stay calm and try not to get distressed. If you get upset, the stress hormone, cortisol, will kick in and this impedes your memory.
2. Think rationally. Reconstruct the past, step by step. Try even to remember how you were feeling – happy, sad, angry. Every detail will help you reconstruct the past
3. Search systematically. Do not throw anything out in a blind panic. Do not trash the place. If you are distressed you may overlook the item. Stay calm and be systematic.
4. Have a positive mental attitude. Tell yourself that this will work out – there will be no long-lasting damage. If you think negative thoughts, you will become distressed and release more stress hormones. Remember you have only lost a material possession, not your health!

There is a psychoanalytic or Freudian theory to losing possessions – that our subconscious mind throws them away because deep down we don’t want them. In The Psychopathology of Everyday Life, Freud wrote “the unconscious dexterity with which an object is mislaid on account of hidden but powerful motives,” including “a secret antipathy towards it.” I could suggest to my friend that he subconsciously lost his car keys because he was trying to throw out the responsibility that the keys represent!