In life there is no one-size-fits-all guide to success. Some people have a dream run to the top – they are born into wealthy families, get a first-class education and are offered their dream job on a silver platter. And you know what, some of them aren’t truly happy! They have never been challenged, never had to find out what they’re made of. They never discover who they are. Other people have to overcome obstacles and adversity before they finally achieve their dreams, and many of these people are very appreciative of their success! But regardless of your circumstances, what is clear is that the more resilient you are, the better your chances are of succeeding and leading a happy and prosperous life.
What is resilience? According to The Oxford Dictionary, it is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. It is toughness or the ability to ‘spring back into shape’. Do you quickly spring back into shape after a setback or do you need time to sit and lick your wounds? In this blog I will focus on resilience. Today I want to first examine what weakens people’s resilience and how to undo that.
92% of people will suffer a major life catastrophe
I read a great article by the psychologist, Dr Denise Cummins, for the American website, Psychology Today. According to research, 92 percent of people will suffer at least one major life catastrophe. They will get divorced, get fired or be injured in an accident. But why is it that people respond differently to these disasters? Why is it that some people will never recover? They may develop post-traumatic stress disorder, or anxiety or depression but other people will bounce back stronger.
Dr Cummins referred to a study by the US National Institute of Nursing Research. It looked at the coping skills of 150 women who had been physically assaulted. Being physically assaulted is one of the worst traumas any individual can suffer. These women were asked to fill out questionnaires. 21 percent of these women developed post-traumatic stress disorder and 30 percent developed depression. Fortunately a good proportion of women did go on to fully recover. The researchers then divided the women into three categories: those who had never been diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder; those who had been diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder in the past but had recovered; and those who still were suffering from a psychiatric disorder.
Life control and social support are key to recovering from setbacks
The researchers found two factors that separated respondents with a disorder from those who never had a disorder or those who had recovered from one: Mastery and social support. Dr Cummins defines mastery as the degree to which people believe they have control over their own lives. It seems that mastery is crucial to recovering from trauma, while people with a feeling of helplessness are really going to struggle to overcome adversity.
Regardless of what you are facing right now, do you believe that you have control over your life? Do you believe that you have options to make things better, or do you believe that your situation is hopeless? Do you truly believe that you can take action to make your future happier? No one is going to deny that life can be challenging. We keep hearing that wages have stalled while house prices are rising, but I know that it is your outlook which will determine your success. I love that old saying, where there is a will there is a way.
Studies consistently find that people who take control of their destinies and believe in their ability to change their life succeed, while people who throw in the towell are prime candidates for psychiatric disorders. A study by Boston University of veterans found that ex-servicemen who sought ‘mastery’ over their life also overcame post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), their fellow comrades who felt hopeless never got over PTSD. And yet another study of Latino women in America who had experienced domestic violence found these women were less likely to suffer depression if they took control of their lives. A study by Cambridge University found men and women who believe they control their futures suffer less heart disease than people who do not feel in control of their lives.
Love and support do make a difference
The US National Institute of Nursing Research study that looked at the 150 women, who’d been assaulted and their coping skills, concluded that the second most important factor in recovering was social support. People with a network of loving friends, family and co-workers were much less likely to develop psychiatric disorders, and more likely to get over any psychiatric disorder they did develop. Women who found their friends, family and work colleagues to be uncaring were at a higher risk of developing post-traumatic stress disorder. People who lacked supportive networks were more likely to suffer social withdrawal, self-blame and trauma memory suppression.
Dr Cummins concluded that we can’t predict whether our friends and family will support us in times of crisis, but we can strengthen our resilience by increasing the control we take for our own well-being. She recommended two key ways to do this: cognitive behaviour therapy and mindfulness. I believe there are many more ways of strengthening resilience and I will review these in my next blog, but now let’s look more closely aat Dr Cummins’ suggestion.
You need to learn how to control your thinking
Basically cognitive behaviour therapy teaches people how to control their thoughts or even how to think differently. Focussing on traumatic events or past failures will damage your physical and psychological health. I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve said, ‘Leave the past behind!’ You need to forgive yourself and forgive the people who have hurt you and move on. When you drive your car do you look straight ahead in the windscreen, or do you mostly look into the rear-view mirror? What is going to happen to you if you spend all your time driving looking in the rear-view mirror? You are going to crash! I’m sorry, but the undisputable truth is that you can’t change your past, but you can shape your future! Regardless of what you are facing, take a deep breath and then start making plans for your future. Where there is a will, there is a way! Take just one small step towards your future and I promise you will feel empowered and stronger. Apply for a new job if you want more work. And if you don’t get that job, apply for another. Promise yourself you won’t ever be beaten. Go play that Chumbawamba song, I get knocked down, but I get up again to yourself. Play it every day if it helps! Start investigating setting up your own business, if you want to become an entrepreneur. There is some great material online. Why not learn a foreign language and start planning the trip of a life overseas. Is you save just one dollar a day, you could have the airfare to fly return to Europe in just three years. Radio Deutsche Welle has a brilliant free learn-German course online. Remember, anything and everything is possible!
No situation is ever hopeless and once you start planning your future, you won’t be able to stop. You will release the opportunities are endless. Dr Cummins also says that mindfulness can increase our control over our own well-being. Mindfulness encourages people to celebrate the present moment. What is the weather like outside? Are there birds singing? Is the sky blue? Are you still alive and kicking? Well, then you have plenty of reasons to be happy and believe in your future!
ABOUT PAT MESITI
Pat Mesiti is a best-selling author, coach and educator in the area of personal development. Having built some of Australia’s largest people-driven organisations, Pat understands the power of harnessing human potential. He has shared the stage with some of the world’s great business minds and has sold over millions of copies of his books and materials.