Supporting Someone With Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

In my life as a youth counsellor and later pastor I’ve met many people with obsessive compulsive disorder and many people trying to support family and friends with the disorder. I remember a woman who was a compulsive washer of her hands and even clothes. Daily she washed every single piece of clothing in her wardrobe, regardless of whether she had worn it or if it was clean or dirty. I also knew a man who spent hours checking that his car, house doors and windows were locked. Some nights he only got a couple of hours of sleep because he’d have to get up in the night and again and again check that all was locked and secured. Then there was the son of friends of friends who was terrified of germs. He lived in London and did not work. He spent every day cleaning his house. The most distressing time of day was when the post arrived. The front door of his London home had a slot for letters and the postman arrived around lunchtime. The postman would post the letters through the slot in the door and they’d fall on the man’s mat. Rather than rejoice when friends wrote he became distressed because he thought the letters was covered in germs. He’d put on rubber gloves and carry his post straight out to the rubbish bin. Eventually he boarded up the slot in the front door!

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a form of anxiety. People with OCD have uncontrollable, unwanted thoughts and can’t stop repetitive behaviours. People with OCD are very taxing because they behave irrationally and their obsession takes over their life. But if they annoy you, they also drive themselves crazy. They want to stop, but feel helpless and beyond controlling their strange behaviour.

Be aware that people with OCD often experience overwhelming fear. They honestly believe that if they do not continue their bizarre ritualised behaviour something truly terrible will happen. To support someone with OCD you need to first accept that they are not behaving like this because they lack self-control or are just eccentric. They have a genuine disorder and are in need of all the love and support they can get.

How common is OCD and is there a cure?

About two per cent of Australians have OCD. It usually first appears in childhood or teenaged years. People with OCD have a high risk of having another mental disorder like depression or bi-polar or borderline personality disorder. No one really understands what causes it but it is thought to be the result of biological and environmental factors.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder is usually treated with medication and psychotherapy. Anti-depressants are used and psychologists also use cognitive behavioural therapy. Sufferers are taught how to retrain their thought patterns to avoid compulsions.

Don’t endorse their behaviour, encourage them to get help.

Sometimes you may feel it’s easier to just go along with the behaviour. For example, if you have a friend with a compulsion to check locks, you might find it simpler to run around checking locks with him for half an hour before sitting down for a cup of coffee. Be aware that is not helping your friend.

A better option is to talk honestly about the behaviour. Do they know they have a problem? Have you talked to their other friends and family members? Are they also concerned? Has anyone encouraged the individual to reach out for professional psychological help? OCD is a serious disorder and usually cannot be controlled without the professional help of a psychologist or psychiatrist.

Speak honestly about the problem

If the person knows they have OCD then have honest conversations about the disorder. Separate the individual from the problem. You can say, this behaviour is not who you are, this is your illness, this is OCD. You have many fine qualities, and you will eventually be able to control the OCD. Remind your friend or family member that OCD is very common and it is also treatable. The person does not need to feel embarrassed or ashamed. Tell them you also have weaknesses – you may be an asthmatic or diabetic. It is an imperfection, just as OCD is.

Also encourage your friend/family member to seek support from their social circle. It is okay to tell close friends that they have the condition and it is making their life difficult. True friends will be sympathetic and stick by the individual.

Reward the individual for any steps forward

Any progress is fantastic, and you need to tell the OCD sufferer that. If they have gone five minutes without washing their hands, congratulate them however encourage them to continue their treatment even when things appear to be going well. Alternatively encourage them to stick with therapy if they don’t believe they have made any gains – assure them that at least they are not getting worse and if they stop therapy the condition is likely to worsen.

Educate yourself about OCD

There is a lot of online literature about OCD. I suggest you read it. To help a sufferer you need to stay non-judgemental. Making someone with OCD feel bad about them-self is certainly not helping. There are also support groups for sufferers. You could get in touch with one, and ask a reformed sufferer to tell you about the disorder and the impact it has on their life.

Try asking your friend or family member to tell you how it has affected them. The more compassion you have for the person, the more effective you will be in helping them to get the condition under control.

Take care of yourself

Helping someone beat their OCD behaviour is exhausting, especially if you live with them. You need to take good care of yourself. Take time out, do things you enjoy, find friends to talk to about the challenges. You might also need to see a good counsellor. Remember to exercise and meditate. Having OCD and living with a sufferer is taxing, but hopefully together you will conquer this ailment.

Best of luck.