Earlier this year Australia’s Deputy Prime Minister resigned after it was revealed he was expecting a baby with a staff member of his office. The former deputy PM, Barnaby Joyce, is married to someone else and has four daughters. A huge community debate followed as to whether it is anyone’s business what Mr Joyce does outside of work. Some sections of the media pointed out that when he ran for office he ‘marketed’ himself as a family man. He was regularly photographed publicly and in campaign material with his beautiful family, not his younger girlfriend. The argument was, if you live by the sword you must die by the sword. Keep this in mind when considering whether you should use pictures of your family on your business site or even on social media.
When I was a minister at the Hillsong Church I regularly referred to my family in my sermons. As a public speaker I’ve also had my girls up on stage with me. I guess I always felt that it was safe. If I could do it all again as a public speaker and even online, I would have kept my family more in the background. It’s not that I’m not proud of them. It’s that I’m aware that there are some strange people out there in cyberspace, and I want to protect my children. Note that I never use their names in blogs. I am happy to be a public person, but I cannot impose that on my children. The internet makes it possible to learn too much about strangers, track down their friends and family. You, like me, may be happy to have a public persona but do the members of your family want that? Children are really too young to decide if they want to be in the spotlight.
Should you use your family to build up your personal brand?
If you have a business and want to build up a personal brand, think long and hard about whether you want to involve your family. Speak at length to your partner. I think I have been naïve about the internet in the past. I have met so many women with public profiles who have been trolled. I am not talking about famous actresses. I have met local councillors who have been trolled on social media. They have been sent obscene messages about their looks and sexuality that have shocked me to the core. People think they are anonymous online and some people behave appallingly. You need to protect yourself and your family from unwelcome comments and other forms of intrusion.
Last week I wrote a blog about keeping yourself nice online, entitled ‘How much have you revealed about yourself online?’ I wrote, ‘The bottom line about online personal information is that it can either help you build a personal brand in business or it can destroy you.’ I went on to explain that we usually behave well in public, but we forget that the internet is also a public space. On the net put your best foot forward. Do not gossip on social media. Remember, before a company employs you or does business with you, they research you online.
Ways of protecting your family online
Today I want to look more about how to protect family. Do you remember what it was like to be a teenager? Remember that teens always want to be with their friends. When I was young I’d ride my bike to my friends’ homes and pass notes in class. Not so today! Teens talk to their friends online. They upload bits of their lives to Facebook, Instagram, YouTube and Twitter. But when you are young, you also at times are foolish. You make errors of judgement. The problem is that anything posted online is there almost permanently, it’s very hard to erase and teens forget that. They think they are just talking to their friends.
Last week I stressed that you must keep yourself nice in the digitalised world. You need to give teens and children that same message. They must be taught to maintain a positive online reputation. If not they are exposed to harm. They could damage their professional name even before they get their first job. They could also be limiting their university options if they post inappropriate material. They could even expose themselves to identify fraud. Think of the potential for harm. Young women have even sent nude photos to boyfriends and then found them plastered all over social media sites. What a horrendous experience.
Teach kids to maintain a positive online reputation
Lots of young people love taking ‘selfies’ – photos of themselves. They love documenting their life, but in life we all make mistakes. Your children or teens need to know that their mistakes must never be posted online. The same of course goes for you! Have a conversation with your child about which social media sites they need to use. I don’t think kids should be on Facebook. There is too much potential for harm, but that is just me. You need to make this decision with your teens.
Your son or daughter may be interested in a career in the army, air force or navy. I can promise you that the defence forces will thoroughly research your child’s online profile or ‘digital footprint’. This research will go back through years of data and the armed services could well locate some silly comment your child posted on Facebook and Instagram. This could be enough to end their military career before it begins. The same is true if your son or daughter is applying for an academic or sports scholarship. Remember also that your son and daughter’s potential employers will start by google-searching your child. What will they find? Children must be taught that the internet is a powerful tool, like a car. Be careful – treat it with respect. Use it for good, but be aware it has the potential to cause terrible damage.
You need to protect your child in the real world and cyber-world
Think about it, you have spent years protecting your children. You don’t let them walk home alone in the dark, so don’t let them wander blind into the dark web. Do you know what sort of sites your children are visiting? It is your responsibility to teach your child how to manage their digital life.
Ensure that you have software that hides your search history at home. Check the privacy statement of all social media sites, but still remain sceptical. Use strong passwords. Also be aware that identity theft is an issue. Any public photo shared can be used by identity thieves. Think about ordinary people who for some reason end up in the media. Perhaps they have been the victims of a crime. The photo of these people that appear in the media are often taken from Facebook, worse still the Australian media has wrongly published photos of people with the same name! Consider how shocked your friends would be if the media wrongly reported you dead. Again think long and hard about everything you and your family post online.
Finally there is the issue of cyber bullying. There have been horrible cases of teenagers committing suicide because of online bullying. Talk to your teens about the damage hurtful posts can cause. Ask them if they’d feel they could come to you if they were being bullied.
Never forget, it is your job to guide your children how to use the internet. Good luck.
ABOUT PAT MESITI
Pat Mesiti is a best-selling author, coach and educator in the area of personal development. Having built some of Australia’s largest people-driven organisations, Pat understands the power of harnessing human potential. He has shared the stage with some of the world’s great business minds and has sold over millions of copies of his books and materials.