How to Enjoy Christmas Parties as an Introvert

Posted on: December 1st, 2017 in Mindset by Pat Mesiti | 2 Comments

Is your calendar already filling up with social bookings for the month of December? How many parties will you go to? I have to admit that in previous years I’ve gone to so many parties that I’ve suffered socialising fatigue! My face ached from smiling; my hand was numb from handshakes. By December 25 I was desperate for just one quiet night in front of the television!

The truth is I do enjoy social gatherings. I’m a public speaker. I’m used to new people and new situations, but I appreciate that not everyone is a social butterfly. If you are shy you might feel extremely anxious about attending Christmas parties. These gatherings may cause you anxiety and stress, but there are ways to get on top of your feelings and enjoy the occasion, alternatively you might be a party-animal.

The real reason you should attend parties

I did some research on how to enjoy parties and came across an article on the US ‘Psychology Today’ website, which did amuse me. The article was written for young people, who tend to attend more parties over a year than some old guy like me! The sites first tip was ‘Be a shopper, not a shoppee’. Oh dear, that made parties sound like meat markets! You find the most desirable person in the room and hone in on them. The one thing I have learnt is that only a tiny percentage of people meet their significant other at a party. According to statistics, one third of people meet their spouse online, another third through mutual friends. Only around 20 percent of couples meet at a social outing, and this includes everything from concerts to bars, not just parties! Never go to a party hoping to meet a romantic partner, go to a party with the intention of just enjoying other people’s company. I like to go to parties to talk to people, because people are endlessly fascinating. Also humans are intrinsically social animals and parties remind us that life is good, and worth celebrating. We are meant to gather together and be joyful.

Social occasions as scavenger hunts

Back to the ‘Psychology Today’ article, reading on I learnt that the author was not suggesting that we should treat parties as pick-up places. Her advice was to think of social occasions as scavenger hunts. You have to search in order to learn and grow, and find new and precious friendships. By being a ‘shopper’, you take the initiative to actively talk to new people. This puts you in a position of power at the party, which should help ease your nerves if feeling anxious.

Tip two was to pick a person near you and start a conversation. I thought this was an excellent tip for both introverts and extroverts. Why?  Because if you are an introvert, you need to make yourself talk to someone, so you may as well start with someone close by. Earlier this year I wrote about meeting a quiet, elderly woman. My first impression was that we’d have nothing in common, nothing to talk about, but she was fascinating. She had worked on the London and New York stock exchange and led a truly adventurous life. I was annoyed with myself, because I had judged this book by her cover! We all have preferences and biases. We gravitate towards people who are similar to us, but this Christmas season I want you to get out there and take an interest in people who at first might not attract or appeal to you! I challenge you to invest time in people who initially have no appeal to you. Yes, just pick someone standing nearby to talk to. Dig a little deeper and you might discover a true gem.

Engaging in real conversations

Once you’ve identified someone to engage in conversation, open with a general comment, but it should be a sincere comment. You might want to talk about the food or weather, the parking, or the number of people there. Do not have a set opening remark, but make a fresh, general comment. Do not open with something deeply contentious.

Once the other person responds to your light comment, be quick to introduce yourself, and shake hands if you are a guy. By exchanging names you transition from being strangers to acquaintances.

Make sure you listen carefully to what the other person is telling you. Ask the person open ended questions which invite them to talk. Open-ended questions are questions that cannot be answered with a yes or no. Comment appropriately and sensitively on what the person is telling you. For example if they have changed jobs, you could ask them about the challenges they have faced. Talk together back and forth on subjects. Ideally you should be like volleying tennis players. Offer comparable information on yourself, for example where you live and work. When interacting with another be truly open to discovering and learning about their world.

Extroverts versus introverts

When you go to a party, do you talk more than you listen or listen more than you talk? This festive season, my challenge to you is to reverse that trend. If you are an introvert give a little more of yourself at parties. You have your own special abilities and talents – give your company and conversation to others, and think of it as a gift to a stranger.

If you are an extrovert, this season become a better listener. When you are an extrovert you sometimes feel obliged to fill silences with words. You become the ‘life and soul’ of the party. Sometimes as an extrovert you can be so jubilant and exuberant, chatting and making jokes that you feel you are giving a performance, but you are no longer genuinely interacting with other people. This festive season do not fear silence in conversations, give the other person time to respond – do not jump in and fill up the void with wisecracks and witty remarks. Ask where the person works, what they like about their job, what community groups they are involved in, what they like about those groups, what are their plans for the future? Extroverts can sometimes avoid or feel uncomfortable around quiet people. At first, extroverts may dismiss introverts as dull and uninteresting, but that is nonsense. Still rivers run deep!

At Christmas parties seek to engage meaningfully with other people. Remember, it is always a privilege to meet someone new and learn about their life, their values and their hopes.

ABOUT PAT MESITI

Pat Mesiti is a best-selling author, coach and educator in the area of personal development. Having built some of Australia’s largest people-driven organisations, Pat understands the power of harnessing human potential. He has shared the stage with some of the world’s great business minds and has sold over millions of copies of his books and materials.

 

  1. Gabrielle Cooper says:

    If only I could have you in my pocket to pull out when I need some help.

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