Eight Ways to Build Your Resilience

In a previous blog post, I began a conversation with you about resilience and outlined a comprehensive study of people who had suffered trauma. The key findings were that we are more likely to recover from setbacks if we know we are in control of our own lives. People who allow themselves to feel powerless and helpless are prime candidates for debilitating mental illnesses like depression and anxiety. This same research also found that we cope better in a crisis if we have the support of friends and family. Today I want to look at how to build up our reserves of resilience in good times so we are ready for anything that comes our way! Do not doubt that resilience is a muscle. It will become stronger if you exercise it.

Psychologist Kendra Cherry, who has written books on resilience, says that resilient people maintain positive outlooks and cope with stress effectively. Research has shown that while some people have an innate resilience (perhaps because of the chemistry of their brain or their childhood) other people can learn to be more resilient. Here are eight ways to build your resilience.

1. Know what your life’s purpose is

For a long time I’ve been encouraging people to think big but plan down to details! What is your passion? What do you believe in? What do you want to achieve? If you haven’t already, sit down and list your goals and then start making a plan to achieve everything you aspire to. If you have set a course for your life, then you will find it easier to get back on track after being blown off course by a crisis. If you don’t have a life plan, how can you get ‘back on track’ if tragedy strikes?

Sometimes a crisis gives us a purpose. Rosemary Barry is Australia’s number one campaigner against domestic violence, and I know her work has made a difference to thousands of Australians. She began campaigning against domestic violence after her 11-year-old son was murdered by his father. How many people could recover from that? And yet this remarkable individual has found her life’s purpose from the most horrific tragedy. What is your life goal and how will you achieve it?

2. Believe in yourself

In a previous blog I looked at what undermines resilience. I explained that fixating on a traumatic experience or personal failure will undermine your mental and physical health, but believing in yourself has the opposite effect. Write down a list of your good qualities and achievements and read that list daily. Do not be self-critical. When doubts enter your head replace them with positive affirmations. Carry a list of affirmations with you if it helps. Tell yourself, ‘I can do this, I will do this!’ Have you got though bad times before? Remind yourself of that next time you are facing a crisis.

3. You’ll get by with a little help from your friends

Yes, the Beetles said it so eloquently all those years ago, ‘I get by with a little help from my friends’. Invest time building up strong healthy relationships with friends and family. When we are stressed or grieving or hurt, it helps to have a shoulder to cry on. Don’t ever think that chatting with friends over coffee is a waste of time. People are herd creatures. We need to belong to a community. Who are your core friends? Appreciate them and spend time with them!

4. The only thing certain in life is change

In my previous blog I looked at The Oxford Dictionary definition of resilience – the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness; the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity. How elastic are you? Can you expand or stretch in a changing situation? Never look at change as an inconvenience or a threat. Very little in this world remains the same. To be resilient you need to be flexible and adaptable. View change as an opportunity to develop new skills. Some people are destroyed by change, while resilient people adapt and prosper because they are elastic!

5. Maintain a positive outlook

Critics and nay-sayers think that to be optimistic you have to be blind to challenges. I once saw a TV program on Winston Churchill which argued he was a manic depressive, meaning he suffered severe mood swings ranging from feelings of euphoria to deep despondency. When he was on a high he gave those rousing speeches to the English, saying they could beat the Germans. This same TV program claimed that any ‘sane’ prime minister would have recognised the odds were against them and signed a truce – Churchill’s best option would have been to surrender! Optimism is not about ignoring the problem. It just means recognising that the problem will not last forever and you do have the skills to overcome it. However it is essential that you believe deep down that you are going to win. Churchill never stopped believing in himself or the British people.

6. Look after your body

We all know that we function better when we get enough sleep, eat well and exercise. These are absolutely fundamental and yet so few people do those three things! Our minds and outlook are influenced by our physicality. If we are tired we tend to be irritable and depressed. When we exercise, more happy chemicals (endorphins) are released into our blood stream. If you are serious about becoming more resilient you need to work on your health. When was the last time you exercised? How is your diet?

7. There is no such thing as problems, only challenges that need solving

The moment you are in a tight spot, calm yourself and then pull out a paper and pencil and start brainstorming solutions. Research has found that people who come up with solutions (even solutions that don’t work) cope better emotionally with problems than people who don’t try to think their way out! It is always better to respond logically rather than emotionally to difficulties. This is hard, but rethink the way you look at tough situations – aim to see them as challenges (tests) rather than ‘obstacles’ or ‘problems’. As an exercise carry paper and pencil with you for a couple of weeks and write down solutions to every minor dilemma you face, for example when double-booked or over-extended. During those two weeks you may find you are confronted with a more significant issue. Again try to brainstorm solutions with that paper and pencil. Ask yourself if you felt more in control and resilient as a result.

8. Build your skill set

Sometimes we feel overwhelmed because we do not have the skills or know-how to solve a problem. If you have felt this way at work, investigate whether there is further training you can do. If you run your own business, also look into how to upskill. Too often people blame themselves and feel inadequate facing challenges when they are instead unequipped or untrained for the situation. Again, try not to respond emotionally to the problem but look for logistical solutions. Training and experience makes all the difference in how you respond to trouble. For example airline pilots are given hours of training in simulators to cope with emergencies such as stalled engines and mechanical malfunctions. How many of us have had formal training on how to cope with disaster? What skills do you need to cope with disaster personally and professionally? Make a list of those skills, and then begin learning them.

Remember, you make hay when the sun is shining, not when it’s raining!