How to Choose a Mentor to Succeed

In life, there are two key ways that people learn – from making mistakes and being taught by a mentor. Having a mentor is of course the less painful way of gaining knowledge and that’s what I want to write about today. However, if you’ve made a mistake recently, regardless of whether it’s a big one or a small one, I encourage you to get up and keep going. Remember mistakes are an event, not a permanent condition. Don’t be too hard on yourself, don’t label yourself a loser, but learn from the experience and then leave your past behind. It is dangerous to dwell on your past and keep going over mistakes. Remember in a car the windscreen is bigger than the rear-view mirror. That’s because people are meant to look forward, not backwards. If you persevere in looking back, you will end up spending years in therapy, focussing on your past mistakes, relationships, childhood, etc. Ultimately that will not help you prosper.

Why You Should Have a Mentor

Okay, back to why having a mentor is the preferable way of learning. I believe that finding and working with a good mentor gives you wisdom without the wait and success without the pain. A mentor helps you maintain focus, learn faster and is able to assist you in measuring results. A good life coach won’t tell you what you want to hear, but what you need to hear. It is impossible to rise above what you know, so to grow you need someone to teach you more, to teach you how to think big.

Look for Success

When it comes to finding a mentor, you need to look up not down. You need to find someone who has excelled in the areas in which you also desire to excel. If you want to grow your small business, look to a successful small business person. If you want to learn how to make your marriage work look to someone who has a happy long-term relationship. There are three kinds of relationships: followers, peers and leaders. Choose wisely when it comes to finding candidates to fill these roles, because many people make foolish choices. How many times have you been to the hairdressers and heard someone telling their hairdressers intimate details about their life? Does a hairdresser have any qualifications in counselling or psychology? Why do people do this? Does the physical contact of someone touching their hair, prompt them to distil all their secrets? Please avoid sharing your most intimate secrets on strangers!

Look for Leadership Skills

When looking for a life mentor you are basically looking for a leader, but don’t mistake the appearance of leadership for true leadership. Sometimes groups are inclined to follow the person who is most confident or arrogant, but they lack real leadership qualities. Remember school, there were always the popular kids and the followers. Occasionally you meet someone as an adult who knows how to network and promote themselves and they are able to influence others, but when it comes to the crunch they don’t do their job well. There are too many self-promoters out there who fail to meet expectations. When looking for a mentor, again I stress that you must look for someone with a proven track record, someone who has excelled – someone who has produced great results. Naturally, you also need to have a good rapport with the person. You can’t be mentored by someone you dislike or clash with. And you also need to find a leader who shares your vision and values. For example, it’s no good finding a business mentor who has succeeded through corruption or taking down others if you are intrinsically honest and kind.

Look for Intelligence and Creativity

Other qualities I value in mentors are intelligence and creativity. You want a mentor who shares your vision, but that mentor should also have the intelligence to analyse your strategies and point you in the right direction if you veer off course. You want someone who can apply creative solutions to problems.

Look for Networking Skills

It never hurts to find a mentor who is well-connected, but again I’m not encouraging you to choose the popular guy or gal as your mentor. Someone with leadership qualities who is a good judge of character and can see the strengths and weaknesses of people. In business the best leaders are widely respected by their colleagues. The Harvard Business Review found that managers who received the most praise at work acted as communication conductors for the organisation and were central to work getting done. The study found that the most respected leaders spent nearly four hours more per week collaborating internally rather than externally than managers who were not widely respected. Basically leaders, who communicate effectively with their workers, are respected and well regarded.

Look for Givers

People, who are boastful and self-seeking, rarely make good mentors even if they have been successful in their careers. If your mentor is the kind of person who seeks recognition and praise, they will make decisions that have the best outcome for themselves rather than the greater good. The best leaders are impressive because they are prepared to give to other people. It is easier to follow someone who you know cares for the community and also your future!

Basically when it comes to choosing a mentor there are two key traits the person must have: (1) the ability to build good relationships and (2) the ability to perform.

Establish an Ongoing Mentorship Relationship

Once you’ve identified the ideal mentor, you need to establish a mentorship relationship with that person. It’s okay to be honest and tell them that you admire their accomplishments and want to learn from them. Ask if they have the time to meet fortnightly or monthly for a chat – this could be difficult as successful people are often time poor. Finally, don’t forget that you need to keep working on yourself to grow, even if you have a mentor. To grow, you need to nourish yourself. You need to keep expanding your life by reading good books, listening to inspirational CDs, attending community events and supporting community causes. Pay attention to the real you and don’t ignore the inner you and most importantly, keep growing!