Why Most of Us are Unhappy and What to Do About It

Generation Y

I came across an engaging little website, written by one of America’s top bloggers recently, which argues that Generation Y is a pretty unhappy lot – more unhappy than previous generations. Generation Y are born between about 1977 to 1994, which means they are aged from about 23 to 40. Is that you, or are you a little older like me! This website, called ‘Wait But Why’ written by Tim Urban, puts forward a theory that your happiness is the sum of your reality MINUS your expectations. This means you might live in nice house and have a lovely spouse, but if you expected to live in a mansion and be married to a super model you’re likely to be disappointed with your lot in life.

Blogger Tim Urban points out that Generation Y were raised by the baby boomers and the baby boomers were raised by the generation that lived through the depression and war. The baby boomers were taught by their parents that life is tough and you must work hard, but they also lived in a time of peace and stability and through their hard work were able to build a good life.

Baby Boomers

The baby boomers instilled their Generation-Y children with a sense of unbridled optimism and unbounded possibility. They told their kids that they were special and could do whatever they wanted to. They also indulged their children, buying them lots of gifts.

But the world has changed in the past 20 years. A lot of manufacturing jobs have been lost to the third world – China and India.  Full-time jobs are disappearing. The Australian recently ran an article explaining that Generation Y will bear the brunt of the biggest employment shift outside a recession with most new jobs created being only part-time employment. Full-time job creation has stalled since 2008, which means many in Generation Y are unlikely to work full-time for a substantial part of their career – if at all – despite most young people wanting a full-time job. Full-time jobs have decreased by 1900 a month since 2010, while an average of 1100 part-time jobs have been created a month.

We’ve had it good in so many ways for so long, we have enough food, shelter and we live in a peaceful country. We live with unprecedented luxury and we have an endless supply of consumer goods, media content, lifestyles even education options, but Generation Y were also raised believing that they could have it all including a fabulous career and yet the economy is not delivering jobs.

We have now been told that start-up companies are the future. I agree that people are going to have to become more entrepreneurial. We are going to have to make our own future, create our own jobs, find projects worth pursuing and launch them online, do the work after hours if we are fortunate enough to have a paying job. The baby boomers and even Generation X (born 1960s -1977) knew they’d have to put in years of hard work to establish a career, but Generation Y were told that there were endless opportunities and the world was waiting for them!

Divorce Reforms

Another thing to remember about Generation Y is that the Australian Family Law Act (divorce reforms) was passed in 1975 and divorce rates in Australia increased fourfold. Half of Generation Y had divorced parents and research shows that this first mass wave of divorcees tried to make it up to their kids by buying them lots of presents, then the parents who weren’t divorced copied them (to keep up with the Joneses). Materialistically Generation Y was spoilt, and now they live in an economy where jobs are in short supply.

Unrealistic Expectations

And even if you do get a job, building up a great career takes years of blood, sweat and tears. Paul Harvey, a University of New Hampshire sociology professor has found that Gen Y have “unrealistic expectations and a strong resistance toward accepting negative feedback,” and “an inflated view of oneself.” He said that “a great source of frustration for people with a strong sense of entitlement is unmet expectations. They often feel entitled to a level of respect and rewards that aren’t in line with their actual ability and effort levels, and so they might not get the level of respect and rewards they are expecting.”

For those recruiting members of Gen Y, Professor Harvey suggests asking the question, “Do you feel you are generally better than other people your age, and if so, why?” If the candidate says they are special but struggles to explain why they’re special then they clearly have an exaggerated sense of entitlement. This is because entitlement is often based on a sense of superiority and deservingness. They’ve been taught to believe, perhaps through parental self-esteem building that they are special. This makes entering a tough job market very difficult for Gen Y. The depression generation of the 1930s knew life was hard and tough, but this generation are not as realistic or pragmatic, or as tough.

Do you feel that your expectations have not been met? Are you unhappy because you haven’t achieved what you wanted to? Perhaps many of us could all take on some of the advice blogger Tim Urban gave Generation Y.  

Opportunities to be Happier

Tim said that Gen Y should keep being ambitious because while the world is changing, there are still many opportunities out there – especially if you’re entrepreneurial and willing to go for it.  Find a niche, create a project then jump in!

Tim also said this generation has to let go of any feelings of being ‘superior’ or ‘special’. Yes, we are all unique beings created by a loving God, but we can’t go around believing that we are more deserving or ‘special’ than others. You only become ‘special’ by working really hard for a really long time and building something for yourself.

His third piece of advice was excellent: stop comparing yourself to others. Sometimes I hate social media. Everyone is always documenting their life – ‘Look, this is what I’m eating at a restaurant now!’, ‘Look, here is a selfie of me with a famous person’. Because of social media we believe that everyone else’s grass is greener. The truth is that no one’s life is perfect. We all have self-doubts and challenges and difficulties.

There is nothing wrong with being ambitious and aspiring to do great things, but you have a problem if you can’t enjoy all the wonderful things you do have because you are always WANTING MORE. I do believe in giving thanks, and I don’t want to see anyone haunted by their own expectations. But it takes time and a lot of hard work to achieve in this world. Don’t be duped into believing there is such a thing as overnight success and be grateful for what you have today.